Just let go


Whilst browsing Facebook today this poem popped up in my newsfeed and really resonated with the way I have felt recently.

This may be stating the obvious, but bringing up 8 children, running several businesses and generally doing life single handedly is hard work.  It is also a logistical nightmare and I have always had to be in control.

Enter my MS diagnosis ...... Everything changed, everything had to change!

Making the decision to give up working was heartbreaking and the start of some very dark days emotionally - but it was undoubtedly the right decision for me, my family and ultimately my clients whom I would have failed if I had struggled on.

I have always had a healthy relationship with my body, danced, practiced yoga ... Even went through childbirth using only chanting and meditation (only once, the other 7 times I gladly accepted drugs).  So, loosing control of my body was very difficult to accept.

But there does come a point when one has to let go - I had to let go.  I get very annoyed with the use of the word warrior or fighter when referring to someone with chronic illness - I am not a warrior, I do not want my life to be a battle and if it is then there is, by very definition, going to be losses and casualties.  This is not the way I want to live.  In my case there is no option but to accept my life as it is now, there is no cure, there is no operation - constantly hoping for a magic cure is a waste of my time, energy and sanity

So, I let it go

I let go of the past
I let go of the pain in my heart
I let go of my expectations of the future
I let go of complications
I let go of the need to be in control

In doing this I actually found me, I found peace.

And before you start thinking 'how awful that I gave up expectations of the future'.  It's not a bad thing, I have a freedom now, I don't need a 5 year plan, I can enjoy life's marvellous adventure without being disappointed

Here is the poem - enjoy ....

She Let Go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Here’s to giving ourselves the gift of letting go…
There’s only one guru ~ you.
―Rev. Safire Rose