The price of being at peace with my situation

When I say that I am at peace with my new life and circumstances, I really am, but there is always a price to be paid for that peace.

People often ask me, how I cope.


To me the answer to that question is the same as it has always been - I get out of bed every morning and do what needs doing.  There are, of course, days when I am fairly sure that what needs doing can wait until tomorrow, but on the whole life just keeps going.

I am not one for feeling sorry for myself or posting 'poor me' statuses on social media.  Maybe I should, because in being positive and only posting the good stuff, I am only giving half of the story.  I am selling myself short - Peddling propaganda like a cheap tabloid.  Its really hard being me lately.  The changes that have been happening over the last year are significant.  Even with the most positive of spins, loosing mobility amongst other things is devastating and the grief of that needs to be acknowledged.  So,  I would like to suggest that I deserve a few minutes of unadulterated hissy fit every so often ....

In reality, There are some nights that I am afraid to go to sleep, its not just the pain, but also the fear of what fresh hell my body has in store for me tomorrow.  Every morning I wake up and mentally assess my physical situation and every morning the sheer effort of getting out of bed brings tears to my eyes.

But every morning I do get up and do what I need to do to get on with my life.  I don't want to miss a thing.  Multiple Sclerosis has taken things away from me, it has turned everything on its head (literally if I forget my stick). But my new life is very me ... I know that,  because I plan it that way 

So, how can I be at peace?  its simple - I do give in to the sadness, I acknowledge how I feel and I deal with it.  Mostly that involves waiting until everybody has gone out and having a good cry.  Occasionally I also talk to my therapist.  There is a lot of merit in having someone to talk to that is not emotionally connected to you, someone that you can talk to without editing what you are saying to make the other person feel better.

I also make lists and plans - this is important, the plans that I make are based around 1 question

What do I need to do to help myself?


There are several answers to this question and here are a few of my recent answers:

Ask someone to help me with 'X'
Ask the Doctor (not Google) if 'Y' would be beneficial
Change my diet
Stop doing 'Z'
take a nap
sit on sofa and watch Netflix for 2 days

The last one may sound a little trite, but in my case it very often is, as simple as stopping to rest, that puts me back on my feet.

It is very normal to feel sadness, feeling happy all the time is a symptom of a very serious psychosis!  I have to assure my family from time to time that I am not actually Psychotic.  I also have to assure them that my temporary sadness is entirely proportionate to the changes in my life (I sometimes have to assure myself too!). 


And thats it, thats the way I do it - I let the sadness in, I allow myself to get frustrated.  I put it all in perspective, delegate the washing up and hey presto ..... when you hear me laugh, its a genuine laugh

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